Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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