I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
