go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
