my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
