All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
