Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
