suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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