Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
babies were throwing up all over the place
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
