Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
