i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
