Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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