I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize