i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
