How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
