my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize