I think my fart just growled at me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
