I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
