Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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