i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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