Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
this is an emotional support booty call
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
