smell my finger.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
