Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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