Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
