Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
