Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
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I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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