i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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