he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize