if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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