Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
