I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
