what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
