I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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