i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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