I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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