Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
