I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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