Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
