nut hugger
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
