Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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