I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize