fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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