turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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