I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
