I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My bed smells like the plague
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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