I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
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