I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
