My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
