your room smells of hookers.
And success
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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