we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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