you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
