did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
