life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
