remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
