i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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