I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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