How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
