Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
