Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
