So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
