You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
