people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
