I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
