4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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