how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
