My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
