And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
