just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
