I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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