just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
