Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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