i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Sorry about my life...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
