u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
