I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
