You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
